Dolly de los Reyes

One. Two. Three empty chairs. Where have they gone? Twenty. Thirty. Thirty-five empty chairs. Where have all my students gone? Five months ago, a day after the graduation ceremony, I was standing at the middle of what my students and I used to call home for ten months. My heart felt empty. It felt as if something precious was taken away from it, which left a void recognizable enough to create in me a sense of longing for these children. Oh, those children! They were to me an icing on top of a cake. I can still clearly remember those moments of triumph and failure, of victory and defeat. We made it through the rain, when tears would stream down their eyes because of poor grades. On the other hand, we remained strong until we reached our goals, when the class wins in a competition or when a classmate makes it to the honor roll. Speaking about students, two of them stand out in my mind and heart. It was just last February when my advisory class gave birth to a promising student, an MVP...

Imagine living your dream life. You have everything you have ever dreamed of. Life, for you, is a giant ball of blessings. Until that fateful moment, when everything gets wiped out in an instant. Confusion, hurt, and anger envelop your entire being. Worst, you feel that God has no place to stay in your heart. I found myself pondering on the word “detach” three months ago when I was sitting inside Filinvest Tent during the 2015 Lenten Recollection organized by Feast Alabang. I was nursing a pained heart then, unaware yet of the Divine message that was about to shed its light through my suffering. It was the first time when I seriously took notice of its meaning. You see, I had been through a lot. Back then, I thought my life was the best life one could ever live. I thought I was highly favored by God. However, trials came one after another. Career opportunities were blocked, people were removed, and the values I had long cherished were in danger. In short, I made my life a mess. You ...

“Not agaaaaaaain!” She dragged herself to her room, buried her head on the soft, pink pillow, and started crying. “Oh please, Papa Lord, not again.” I remember hearing the story of this girl whose life has been smooth-sailing. The world for her was a giant tableau of warm and loving people. She also had her share of colorful dreams, found herself as a princess adored by valiant princes, and saw herself climbing the pedestal to success. But when the inevitable happened, she was devastated. For the first time, she had a taste of the world’s bitterness, of people’s evil ways, and of pain… the ugly side of pain. She had to count long nights, observing herself as she was crawling back to the safe nest of her family. And after a year, she declared herself renewed, sharing to the world how that storm made her love GOD all the more, making Him again number 1 in her life. Fast forward. Every area of her life had gradually undergone massive changes, each of these leading her to more succes...

I was not a please-pray-for-me person. In short, I used to believe that my prayers alone were enough. Why bother when I could pray directly to God? Over the years, my exposure and service to Singles for Christ and The Feast has led me into the realization that I do need prayer partners. It has amazed me how a group of praying people can actually move mountains. Miracles have unfolded right before my eyes. And hope, no matter how seemingly distant, has actually been just at the corner. “Never underestimate the power of praying for one another.” And yes, this passage holds true to its every word: WE ARE STRONGER TOGETHER IN PRAYER. Intercession. You can pray for Mother Mary’s intercession; you can pray for one another. The very idea of praying for one another has been dismissed by many believers, all for the wrong assumption that God is just there 24/7. I used to be one of those, until God led me into a series of events, unpleasant circumstances which challenged my faith. Humility c...

Anxious – that was how I felt as 2015 approached. I was just staring blankly at the brightly lit sky, my being enjoying the grandeur of the fireworks despite the growing uncertainties within. I felt too detached from the merry-making and felt even so unsure of myself. 5…4…3…2…1 Abruptly, my feelings changed. There was jubilation inside me. There was excitement which I never knew I would feel in an instant. I arose from my musing, went down to join my ecstatic family… revived and encouraged. Something good is going to happen to YOU This very day This very year I have been looking forward to singing this song, annually sung at The Feast as a declaration of blessings for the new year. And indeed, singing this song has brought a feeling of peace and hope. Pray boldly. This is what I call miracle prayer . We define miracle as something from the impossible, which amazingly comes into existence as we hold on to our Faith. So I looked into my dream journal. I reviewed my dreams in my No...

Euphoria. Dejection. A canopy of emotions blanketed my being. Which way should I go? Whose words should I heed? I immersed myself into this self-made inferno, noting the circumstances in the past which had brought me into great pain and humiliation. The smile on my face stayed on the surface; it never reached my heart. The anguish in me flowed deep through my soul, mercilessly killing the once beautiful girl within. Memories. Indelible marks of the past. I have enough reasons to go melancholic, but I have chosen not to. If these emotions were torture in the past, there’s only one thing left to do but to turn them into the most precious of pearls. The trauma hidden in the chamber of secrets continues to prowl in me like a famished beast. Blood gushes out of my wounds. Terror grips me momentarily. But despite all these, I still have enough reason to go on living. The present gives way to HOPE. Indeed! It opens doors for major changes and giant leaps of faith. It does as it does to mi...

A cheerful laughter echoes through the walls, breaking the room’s silence. To everyone, she exudes joy. But the real score? She’s scarred… deep within. Talk about scars. Aren’t these the most daunting evidences of a once messy state? What has gone wrong? What has gone right? Looking around, one would see a diverse group of people and most often than not, with each one showing that big scar deeply etched on one’s being. What has been the reason for surviving? Shame. Every cruelty exhibited, every mortal sin committed, every foul word uttered… all of these could have been the triggers. It is easy for one to give in to human slander, but difficult indeed to mend what has been broken. This gives birth to shame with those awful moments of casting one’s eyes down the earth. Is it beneficial? Certainly not, but the shame that is built up definitely adds up to the scar. What has been the reason for living? Dirt. The dirt on one’s sinful being. The very dirt that pins one down from the slight...

DOLLY: I keep pushing, but nothing happens. I keep pulling, but I most often quit. Two opposing fields tearing me apart. Two conflicting poles breaking into my sanity. Life is complex, I admit, clearly in stark contrast to what I used to believe in. That life is pretty simple? Nah. You haven’t truly lived if you have chosen to stay in that hypocritical illusion. Tell me when and how did life become that easy. Not at all, with all its dark secrets and silent wishes. With the mournful laments and soul-breaking wailings. The excitement of growing up gets stained with bursts of melancholy. That element of life called wisdom gets busted with dilemmas. Prayer itself gets knocked down by doubts. Tell me when and how did life become easy, so I could put an end to this Calvary. Tell me how children learned to forgive almost instantly so I could stop my heart from bleeding. Tell me of tales from battles won, of chivalric sacrifices, of cunning lies and troubling truths, and of shatter...

With their plainly false accusations, you can't be Jesus to these people at work, can you? A river of tears – My eyes were tired and swollen from weeping. I was in deep agony. I was cursing them in my mind. “Those craps...” that was how I reacted. I suffered a lot in the workplace. Several colleagues despised me as much as my students showered me with love. I was stabbed, labeled, ridiculed, and was the victim of rumors being spread around like virus. And the oddest thing there was, everything was plainly false accusation. I was simply the “lucky” recipient of their vile mouths. Hold grudges? Been there. Take revenge? I had thought of that. What about forgive? Accept? Love? “ Come to me and I will give you rest.” I waited. God did it for me. Gradually, He healed my wounds. I obliged and clung to His promise of victory. LOVE – He would constantly remind me to look at my bashers with affection. Moments of doubt would sometimes creep in, but He remained faithful to His promise t...

The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But...the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?”   ― Martin Luther King Jr. Being able to reverse the situation and letting go of the “I” mentality has paved the way to the attainment of peace for many of us. It is in this sense that we unconsciously practice selfless love, the outcome creating a thousand ripples of constructive changes. A man in tattered clothes, shivering in the cold, with palms raised to the heavens for mercy’s sake, is in need of help, something tangible that would satisfy his worldly hunger. Praying alone wouldn’t be of much help, the moment calling one of us to do some concrete action. A family member, struck by illness, needs special care and attention. Giving the prescribed medication, taking care of his personal needs, and simply encouraging him with a love one’s pres...

“I see You, Lord in sorrow and in happiness. I see You in the glory of sweet success. I see You, Lord every hour every day. I can see You, Lord whenever I pray.” I first heard this song three years ago, sweetly sung by a student in the school where I am currently working. I fell in love with the song right away and found myself hastily landing on the world of LSS (Last Song Syndrome). Two years after, it became my favorite song for the Lord. It was when I was struggling to breathe, holding on to dear life for the devastation that those unprecedented circumstances had placed me into.   It has been God’s lullaby to me since then. Apparently, it taught me one thing – to see God in every chapter of my life. Gone were the feel good days when I was safely tucked into my mother’s bosom. Living independently means facing things squarely and bearing the breastplate of courage and willpower. A single tear would prove useless if it means giving up. To whom do I cling to? To God, to my Fath...

“My heart begs for consolation. Papa Lord, please take away this nagging feeling of depression in me.” With a downcast aura, I bent down and cried. Our life’s tribulations come and go, and like ripples of waves on water’s surface, how we react to each situation will most likely determine the outcome of such. I never would have known how emotionally immature I was if not for those trials that used to veer me away from my comfort zone. And as always the case, I got to keep in touch with myself. First impression – I would often receive the feedback of me being cheerful . True, I am. But little do they know that I am pretty normal, someone who isn’t exempted from the pangs of negativities surrounding me. How, then, do I handle toxic emotions? EXPERIENCE – I got everything from here. God sent instruments who had played their roles well during the “trial-and-error” stage. It was never easy, but it was worth the pain. Feel your emotion – This was my life string when I was extremely tried. I...

In one of his teachings, Bro. Arun Gogna, the senior Feast builder of Feast Alabang   (Light of Jesus Family founded by Bo Sanchez), defined success as a means of achieving your dreams while “significance” is helping others achieve their dreams. He shared the secret of all teachers through this quote:  The secret of teaching is to appear that you have learned all your life what you have just learned today. So a teacher teaches with enthusiasm and learns with the students at the same time. The example given was their own marriage. He was a concert director and a very good one at that. That was the reason why their marriage that took place several years ago is still being talked about now. It was perfect; every moment was carefully planned, and everybody felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and the solemnity of their marriage. They were both very happy. A few months after their marriage, several would-be couples approached them and asked for help to make their wedding as go...

When the good do nothing, evil prevails. Talk about harmony. It isn’t much of a big word at present. Murder. Suicide. Corruption. Treason. What else do we have here? Poverty. Destruction. Death. At certain points, we each had come to a halt to ponder on the surrounding chaos. We must have felt a strong urge to act on, to partake of, and to care for our doomed nation. But the harsh reality has always sucked us into the dark vacuum of indifference. “What the heart has conceived, the mind gives birth.” Does this also apply to our supposed active involvement in propagating the change that our country desperately needs? Yes, and it is only in doing so that true change will finally kick in. When the good do small things in every possible way, big results are on their way; the Law of Compounding will surely take effect. We need not belong to the authorities to effect change. We can start right now, regardless of our race, age, gender preference, and status in life. No act is too small if it ...

There are a few people who secretly despise me. Why? I really don’t know. They have their own “twisted” reasons, which I am of no interest of digging. Life has been so good to me, not without its trials of course. Let’s just put it this way: A huge boulder of rock comes, but almost after a few moments of struggle, my Father comes to my aid. Then a wave of jubilation comes, and my Father never fails to throw a terrific party. Wow! Totally amazing, isn’t it? The bottom line is pretty simple. Life will always have its crest and trough; how you react to every change is what spells the difference. Would you remain standing tall when the best thing to do is to bow down? Or would you be a wooden canoe that floats along the current of water, but nevertheless serving its purpose? Your life now is yours. Mold it, live it well, but never allow a single day of living it without our Father. Trust that He will give you a heavenly blast.

“Emo ka na naman.” One would jokingly say these words, often inducing laughter that might have not totally reached the eyes. Or so I thought. Day 3, Saturday – I led myself to Function Room 5, which then housed people eager to discover the secrets on how to protect one from emotional hurts. And my, what a crowd! “Too many hurting people, eh?” I told myself. So how does this go, I mean, protecting your being from the pangs of pain? I was led to realize 3 very important secrets, which actually can be the very things that would save us from more pains. 1. Hurt is everywhere. Life is and will always be difficult. That’s plainly simple as it is. But having the courage to go on will spell a big difference. The enemy’s forces will surely be there to knock you out, but God wouldn’t give up fulfilling His agenda for you, because He meant you to: discover your purpose, develop your God-given potentials, and reach your destiny . 2. Hurting to heal. “The only difference between a stepping ...

They’re dead . Who cares? Is it my fault that they be buried in the filthy land of the unfortunate? They’re gone . So what? Do I have to shed a tear to show the world they’re dear? We’ve lost precious lives. But we didn't know them whose lives no one remembers. But they’re our brethren. Oh really? I’ve known no family since I was ten. Lend a hand, reach out. My hands are full. Can’t you see I’m busy? Fool! Show the world you care! Ha, ha! You have the guts. Well, you’re driving me nuts. Step up. Open up! I’ve always been closed So leave and perturb me not. The world needs you. No! Your lies are yours Deceitful, the world’s for sure.

Damn! Why should I even bother? Why not leave me in peace? The hell with this conscience! Leave me to rot and perturb me not anymore… never! The Conscience… The mind… The ailing heart… The cause of deep pain and humiliation, known only to you, to your friend , and to God. You could have done something. You could have answered her call. You could have excused yourself from the party. You could have given, maybe could have given, just a few minutes of your precious time. Oh! Your boyfriend could have waited. You could have left the smoky room and gave her your full attention. She could have at least clung to a thin thread of hope, which she might have seen swinging on your upper limbs. She could have at least felt a surge of peace, even just for a few seconds, and could have eradicated that morbid thought away from her clouded mind. You knew it. You sensed it. But you didn't pay attention, thought she was just exaggerating things, jealous perhaps of the happy life you have, and w...

August 31, 2013 - A day of indescribable joy : that spells a day of visit at Grace to Be Born. We arrived on the place with our usual aura of cheerfulness. This time was a treat from the birthday celebrator, a dear friend, whose noble cause is to celebrate her birthday at Grace to Be Born. I honestly thought of it as another ordinary visit (my 3rd time), but I was wrong. After visiting the angels (the cute babies in the nursery room), we eagerly gathered at the receiving area where mothers armed with beaming smiles awaited for us. What made it extra special was the little sharing that followed. We went there to share whatever blessing we had, but it turned out to be a completely different story. It was these mothers, the surviving and strong mothers, who evangelized us. Basically starting from scratch, they all have one dream – to rise with head up high and eventually succeed to provide the best possible life for their little one. It was the courage, the determination, t...

(A soliloquy written 3 years ago) “You can do it." "No, I can’t!” See? That is how I deal with myself. Confusions, struggles, headaches nag me everyday. I’ve been serving God for 7 years. I started with the Charismatic Renewal Movement community when I was in my 3rd year in college. When I moved to Manila, I was ushered to join the Singles for Christ community. Now, I’m a happy member of the Light of Jesus community, founded and headed by Bro Bo Sanchez himself. The road I am taking is clearly the path that I have chosen. But it doesn’t end there. Am I a happy person? Yes, I am. But it’ll take a long way for me to proudly announce to the world that I am 100% contented with my life now. The root is simple but deadly. SIN. Like a wingless butterfly, I am crippled. My heart has been in anguish for a long time. I don’t know how and why I entered into this state. Deep in my heart, I know that God is the lone answer. But still I cannot bring myself to tota...