DespIte the paIn, I have learned to love Him all the more

the pain10 days – Realizations came one after another. If I would look back, I might have giggled to see myself in such a desperate situation, face in an exasperated expression, and looking so pitiful in that dire misery.

SMILES… I saw those as the promise of 2013. For that moment was a turning point. I had thought of it as a punishment, but then I saw that it wasn’t. Oh! It was actually a lovely renewal… of my love for God.

It seemed impossible; but now that I’ve been into such a dreadful situation, I somehow understood this line:

“In the midst of pain and suffering, praise God!”

That I did without me realizing it. I had nothing to hold onto but my faith in God. I had no one, not even my parents, to whom I could whisper the deepest desire of my heart. I learned to call Him and to rely on Him desperately. Day after day, He would carry me in His arms. When negativities came, I would call His name frantically. Lo! I would feel Him touching my heart, easing the pain until it was totally gone, and cradling me to sleep during the lonely nights.

I have learned to love Him all the more. YES. Truly, there’s nobody else who can help you but God. I learned to trust in Him fully. I learned how to pray confidently. In that trying moment, he taught me patience and trustful waiting, just like what Mama Mary did when she conceived His son, Jesus Christ.

A text message says: There are only two answers to our prayers: YES and WAIT.

I am holding on to this. I have discovered that I can brave the storm and cross the raging seas if God is with me. I wouldn’t be writing this today (in the airport while waiting for my flight back to Manila – Jan. 2, 2:50 pm) if I remained weak. And ironically, I never doubted God in spite of the wailing and asking.

“I can now see Him smiling at me,” I told my parents: Mom, Dad, and Papang. It is because… as I was reflecting, God had remained so close. And because of this, my pain did not swerve me to the wrong path. Rather, I am becoming better – a better person, friend, and daughter.

Nothing just happens. For whatever plans He has in store for me, I know that it will be for my welfare. There are no more “what ifs”, there are only lessons learned, and a bright future. He is molding me into becoming who I should become. He is molding Wayne, my love, into becoming who he should become. I have learned to love him all the more.

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